Delivering marijuana isn’t exactly a job that many people have across America. With the federal government still keeping strict laws on the use of marijuana, many people, even those in states where marijuana is legal, do not feel that they should order it in case people think badly of them or in case they end up breaking a law. Because of that, you don’t really see many funny pot delivery stories, so here, I’ll share a funny moment or two with you.
There was the time I took a pot delivery to a client quite late at night. I didn’t think much of the late night order, after all, I deliver until midnight every day that I work. This time however, I was not prepared for what happened.
As I approached the address and thought to myself what a nice home it was, I heard a noise from the bushes beside the garden path. I looked over and to my amazement, there was a man there. He motioned to me to come over so I did – with some caution.
“Put it over there” he hissed in a loud whisper like he was trying not to draw attention to himself. I looked over to where he was pointing and I saw a drain chute that was just the right size for the parcel I was holding to fit. I did as instructed and then he signaled to me to come back.
I went over to him so that he could sign for the delivery and as he was signing, he quietly explained that he was staying over at his mothers, who didn’t approve of marijuana use. The guy was a frequent visitor at his mother’s home and would stay there for a few days at a time, so when he’d run out of his marijuana edibles, he’d order some more late at night after she’d gone to sleep and wait in the bushes for the delivery so that his mother would never find out.
I was amazed. Now that was pretty funny. But it wasn’t the funniest story. I’m just getting you warmed up.
Don’t Order Pot When You’re Drunk
Whilst many medical marijuana users are sensible about making their orders, we do have the odd one or two that make their order when they’re really drunk, late at night. There was one time, where one particular customer must have drank the entire liquor store before he ordered with us.
I turned up at his door, around 30 minutes after his order had come through and I confirmed that he was the customer. He was so drunk he could barely stand. He looked at me out of one eye, and slurred, “are you the delivery guy? Where’s my pizza?”
I explained that I wasn’t there with pizza and that I was delivering his marijuana order.
At this point a woman came to the door and apologized for her husband’s state. She explained that he’d had a little to drink to try to unwind after work and had had a few too many.
That’s when the guy handed me 70 bucks!
I was in shock. I told him to take the money back and that he’d already paid for his order. He was quite insistent that I keep my $5 tip. He kept saying over and over “No, I always tip the delivery guy. That’s your $5”.
I told him he’d made a mistake and he got a little louder. He started to explain his math.
“$20 and $20 that’s 2 plus 0 plus 2 plus 0, so $4….” Dramatically grabbing the notes back out of my hand again and waving them in the air.
“$10, $10, $10….” Grabbing the 3 remaining $10 bills out of my hand”
“So this is three.”
“I put these with those, and you’ve got 5 bills there. So $5.”
Until this point, the guy’s wife had stood there looking a little perplexed and she suddenly looked at me and said, “He’s not going to let you go without taking it. He thinks he’s some kind of wizard. Just take the tip and have a good evening”.
To which the guy stuffed the money back into my hand and got pulled back indoors by his wife who had taken the parcel off me whilst her husband was doing his sums.
That was funny. And it meant that I made the biggest tip that I think I’ve ever made in my life.